When the hope is dim, what do I hold on to?

The last two days felt like someone had dropped a huge rock on my head..well, more on my future. I have just found out that for the last two years, after nearly spent £40,000 being in London, my school is a sham.
Since last May, the immigration law in the UK has changed, just like the States, it's always unpredictable. The Home Office has offered a new visa scheme that allows graduate students to stay in the UK for 12 months after graduation to work full time or a full time work experience. I had my heart set on it so over the summer, I emailed my school's "information officer" regarding just that. I was given an all-okay, "we guarantee that our school is absolutely eligible for such visa". I was confident, maybe after all the shit the school has put me through, something good might come out of it. But I still decided to confirm with that particular officer. And of course, just like Marangoni style, she says "oops, no, we're not, heh, i was wrong" and left me with that. After the initial shock, I proceeded to ask her more information and of course she pushes me to someone else because "she doesn't know". The phrase "i don't know" is the universal response that Istituto Marangoni will give you to any question. So I move on to the "placement officer" and see what he has to say. Of course he verified my doubt, then to tell me they're not accredited with the DfES because that would mean that they'd have to regulated by the government, which they are not. Which also means if they wanted to let a teacher go, they can. Which sounds to me if they wanted to charge a billion pounds per student, they can, if they don't feel like helping you out, they can, if they want to hire some Dick Tom and Harry to teach us, they can. He continued with "too bad you're not in the EU" and "last year there was not a single international student that got a visa". I asked if I should speak to the director, he said that wouldn't change anything, bottom line is, "they can't help me". So let me get this straight: I go to school in London, they tell me to do internships in London, but I can't stay in London even though upon recruiting me, I was under the pretense that the school would be supportive and helpful which from the very beginning, they haven't been!

So I decided to change school, or apply to a postgraduate program at London College of Fashion. More bad news: I finally meet with someone from LCF and after explaining my situation to her, three phone calls later, she tells me that I probably can't even get accepted to the postgraduate program because my "course" has no levels, no class code, my "school" doesn't have anything substantial to say that I have achieved a certain level! I left LCF in a daze, thinking to myself what have I done, asking myself how come I didn't check on the school more, asking myself how am I going to pay off all the debts that I have accumulated to support me in school, wondering how am I going to break this news to my parents, who have been in financial turmoil since I've moved to London because they've been helping me? For the last two days I have cried nearly every night trying to make a sense of all of this. I can't even apply to the various of visa schemes because my school would have to be recognized and it's not, the most important factor in helping me obtaining a visa is worthless.

Jez has been so kind, trying to keep my spirit up but it's so hard. I want justice, I feel so cheated, I feel so mislead and I don't know what to do. I wouldn't say my life has been easy but I always somehow find the silver lining in any situation but this time, I'm out of ideas. I am broke, jobless, degree-less, and right now, no self-esteem and no future prospect. I don't think I have ever felt so hopeless..I keep hoping that some good news would come...

Jez's sister wants to help me and I am so thankful and still keeping my fingers crossed...

I don't think I've ever been so low...i've lost the desire to cook..and you know that's bad...

Too little time..

Been at my new internship for a month now, it's been going well, very busy, no time to write in here anymore..but I have been baking..anyway, yawn..off to bed..